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What If I Say No

Amanda Avery
Sun, 18 Oct 2015 14:00:16 GMT

Alex pressed his lips together. The cracked feeling of the skin there made his nose twitch, the corners of his mouth pulled even further downward as he tried to swallow his disgust. Everything felt so sharp in this new world. His own fingers on the bicep of his crossed arm, the glaring, awful sun through the window and on his cheek. He gazed off absently at the filing cabinet. The doctor would be talking now, of course, to his mother about the extra care he would need. He'd read all about it already this morning on a pamphlet he'd been handed in his hospital bed, the bandages not yet all the way unwound from his head. He glanced back at the pointlessly gobbing mouth of his nurse. They could be really talking about any old shit, he supposed to himself with disgust so thick he had to run his tongue along the back of his teeth to keep from vomiting. It wouldn't make any difference to him now, everything just all silent flapping. He gripped his arms harder and shook his head, hot, needle point tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. "Alex," he saw his mother carefull y mouth in his direction. He snapped his head towards her, chest heaving unnaturally and jaw clenched. He didn't take the pen and paper as it was handed to him so it was left in his lap instead. Alex stared down at them, unblinking, trying to make sense of it. Things seemed to float in this new life of his, ungrounded, untethered to anything. Nothing seemed to touch. He seethed down at the newness that seemed to be both too heavy and somehow completely weightless. At last he scribbled something down in a hurry, dropping the pen back into his lap as if it burned him. His mother reached for the paper with a frown. Leaning back in her chair she examined the note for a moment and then her son. She handed it to the Doctor. 'I AM BUSY WITH MY SELF PITY, PLEASE FUCK OFF', it read. They both stared at him. After a moment, they both raised from their chairs and left. The nurse hurried after with a worried look tossed over her shoulder at him. Alex leaned back, defeated and alone at last. He grit his teeth as his shoulders pitched up in anguish, the silence around him swallowing him whole from every angle, an unimaginable onslaught of nothingness, of empty pointless meaninglessness. He wretched out a cry he could not hear. "Fuck your bravery. Fuck this," he spat out without hearing, and he knew that he must sound horrid. He pressed his fingers into his eyes and sobbed.

NutterButter
Wed, 28 Oct 2015 22:30:50 GMT

You are an amazing writer.