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Pizza Salted Lightly - impact50film

Tue, 12 Jun 2018 10:30:06 GMT

happyma3
Sat, 16 Jun 2018 14:36:34 GMT

So touching and poignant. Very human! Well done to ALL involved on and off screen.

SYoung1960
Sun, 17 Jun 2018 07:05:52 GMT

It's difficult enough to find one kid who can act, but you managed to find four. Nice. They all did great jobs delivering their lines, but the problem I kept having was the sound was difficult to listen to... I found myself adjusting the volume in order to make out what everyone was saying most of the time. When I saw 8-minutes, I thought this was going to be an epic film... until I found 2-minutes 30-seconds of credits tagged onto the end. You can shorten those down to a minute or less. Overall, there's room for tightening in the next edit, just study each shot and each scene and find where it's dragging and trim frames out. There's a very awkward cut/jump when the kids hug after burying the box. It's really distracting. I wasn't all that keen on this script when I read it, but you've done a great job of bringing it to life. I'm looking forward to seeing a tighter, streamlined cut with better sound.

Lynn
Sun, 17 Jun 2018 18:56:56 GMT

Thanks, both! Really appreciate your comments, especially as it is a rough edit at present, without the sound files added (what you are hearing for now is the iPhone's own, but we did have proper sound equipment recording on the day too. With both this and our wildcard submission, we were rushing to the rough-cut deadline at least to get something in). Completely agree it needs tightening (and re that jumpcut you specify, Scott); there wasn't time to give more than very quick notes but that will be the next target, after sound - again, if we have time! Re the credits, I'd never intended to write a song, but it started downloading in my head a couple of weeks after the shoot (again, just recorded on a phone for now - we'll be doing it properly this week). I knew it would mean spinning out the credits way too long for a short, but I wanted to put it as part of a film, to see how it sat - rather than just submitting it separately. We'll bring it in over the 'final moments' montage on the next edit which will help a bit, but the issue will still be there. If - BIG if, obvs - the song got chosen for the feature, it would be fine, as The Impact credits will likely be the longest in history!

SYoung1960
Mon, 18 Jun 2018 00:46:05 GMT

That makes a lot of sense, Lynn, and now knowing all of that, I think it's a great rough edit, and I can't wait to see it again with real sound. I'm really curious about how you're going to fix that weird jump/cut, though. Do you have aerial footage of the kids hugging? From the drone? If you do, then there's your fix. They start to hug, cut to overhead view, then cut back to normal view. So, yeah, I'm curious to see how you resolve that. Editorially, the stuff I would cut if I were editing would be the parents talking (I wouldn't cut it out completely, just cut it back a lot), and I would get the boy to his friends a lot sooner in the film. It doesn't really take off until the four friends are together, so getting there faster is important. As for the song, I hate to say it, but I didn't even realize there was a song playing under the credits. I was so bored with the credits after 30-seconds that I stopped the film so I could make my first comments. Maybe for the "judging" version, you could do an abbreviated version of the song for the credits keeping them at no more t han a full minute, but include the individual song as an MP3 file (with a full explanation) when you send the next version to Vicky, or whoever's handling the films on the site now. That way, we get a feel for the song in a shorter form, we get shorter credits, but the Create50 team is fully aware of the full length version of the song and can keep it in their thoughts as the final film evolves. Just my thoughts, for whatever they're worth. Long way around the block to get there, but one of my biggest points in my first comment was the fact that I didn't much care for the script, but you turned it into a film I really like. That says a whole lot about you as a filmmaker, and that's the part I didn't want to get lost in any of my other comments. Sorry to be so wordy about it, though. Can't wait for the next edit. :)

Lynn
Mon, 18 Jun 2018 16:32:40 GMT

Ha! This and our wildcard (Choose Life, Choose Liverwurst) were my first go at directing, so it's going to take a bit of getting used to being called 'filmmaker' ;-) Cheers again.

ritaw
Fri, 29 Jun 2018 16:31:29 GMT

I thought the photography was great although it would benefit from far tighter editing. Not sure if it was my computer but I could hardly hear the dialogue then suddenly the music came in at the end at a really high level! It would be fine to finish just with the pizza family without needing the others.

Lynn
Fri, 29 Jun 2018 17:43:17 GMT

Thanks, Rita! Yes, this is still the rough edit, without the sound files on. I have now submitted a much tighter one with proper sound, but I guess they are snowed under with files to upload as we get close to the deadline for polishes! Re showing all the families at the end, I felt that as Jack's desire is stated as wanting to be with his dad in those final moments, that has to be either paid off (one way or the other; it could be a negative end for him, but we need to know) - or cut (which would mean you'd have to change his message to put in the cash box). And as I was keeping it, I felt it would be a bit odd not to see the girls too. It's all about choices, I guess