OMG, Fiona, this is beautiful. The "I love you" into the dead phone just twisted my guts! So well filmed. Wonderful job by your director and actors!
The best entry yet. Looks great, has some fine acting. I might revisit that hyperactive editing around the 30 second mark, as it is distracts from the storytelling. But other than that, very nice work.
Hi Fiona and Playview Productions! Great work - a faithful adaptation of the script; well shot and with strong performances. I do feel that it loses some of its emotional power towards the end so perhaps the second half could be tightened up a bit? You set up the scene so concisely with those exterior shots and get straight to the heart of the film - the phone call and Lisa’s emotional reaction. Lisa’s forced recovery from her tears when speaking to Megan is very natural (congrats again to your lead actress). This may sound a bit forensic - but you hit the emotional peak around 1m40 and I feel the story has been told by the time she walks off with Megan at around 2m20. After this, I felt less engaged and wonder if you could make some trims. Maybe you could get to the playground a bit quicker and have a bit less of the intercutting? A couple of other small things: - I kind of agree with Kerry’s comment about the 30 second mark. In particular a longer hold on the clock might be helpful as it flies past so quickly. Perhaps this shot could even be moved slightly earlier to just before she dials to use as an instigation for making the call - i.e., it’s getting late, I should call. - Do you have a take of Toby hanging up the phone that is more nonchalant/accidental? It feels slightly too deliberate here which jars a little. I hope these comments are useful to you - make of them what you will! I wish you all the best with the film.
I love this film! The contrast between the adults trying to hold it together so as not to alarm the children and the children's' mostly unconcerned demeanor works very well. I agree with Tom Walter's comment about the timing of the phone call and the placing of the scene with the clock. There also appeared to be a few moments in the classroom where the action seemed to have been speeded up, and the sound didn't seem quite synchronised - or perhaps it was just YouTube playing up, but I'm sure if they are issues they will be sorted in the next cut. Lovely!
Thank you so much Michele, Kerry, Tom and ej for your encouraging comments. As the writer (and co-producer) I'm so pleased that you like it. Thank you also for your suggestions which I'm sure will be very helpful to Peter (the Director and Editor) Finally, apologies for not responding to your comments sooner - I didn't receive any notification that we'd received any!
Loved the film! very emotional, especially phone moment as Michaele said. The actress is good and believable. Well done!
Thank you so much Enni!
I enjoyed it. Great cast. The effects at the end distracted me a bit. Maybe revisit that part of the edit?
Fiona, you must be thrilled with this? The filmmakers have produced a quality production here with incredible sound. It's so moving and so well acted - the grandmother had me riveted. There's a wonderful atmosphere to it. The set, playground, room is all very emotive and well chosen. Very little I'd change on this. Perhaps just something where at the very end the mother clings to regards her own son, but I don't know if the filmmakers have anything they could use? It's wonderful.
A lovely film, well done. I wonder if you could have added some background noise of the children before we hear them properly. Kids are rarely quiet! All the best.
A multi-location story told in such a short span of time... and handled brilliantly by the filmmakers. I remember this being an early arrival on the site last year, and it still holds up as one of the absolute best films submitted, to date. There are some great suggestions scattered in other comments, so I'll refrain from being repetitive. Can't wait to see this as a final selection.
Thank you for your kind comments everyone, and apologies for taking so long to reply. I will pass on your suggestions to the filmmakers!
Very moving specially with Toby being exciting and running off to tell his granddad and leaving his mother distraught on the phone. A slightly tighter edit on the mother when she sits down and cries would benefit the film I think. Well done.
I love this, cannot find anything to add. Good luck!
I actually think the story of Toby hanging up abruptly was brilliant and the film could just end there with her in emotional shock at not having the chance to tell him she loved him. She doesn't even need to say the words - we can feel it. I would end it with her in tears and not have all the second half but I guess in the final film it could be used in two halves - it's kind of two stories.