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Holy Communion

♢♡ janet
Sat, 03 Aug 2019 16:46:02 GMT

I listened to this over and over on repeat. When I awoke at 5am, I realized why my roommate is getting more and more violent in nature. We all want valadation from others. We need, for the most part, to have it our way. I then realized all those times when I needed outside validation from another and how it must of felt. I called all misqualified thoughts back. I apologized to myself for not realizing it came from within. It felt real good to recognize this and hopefully I will be able to go deeper within and recognize parts of me that still need self-love. Valadatiing my self worth is worth it. I just wish it doesn't have to reflect such violence. This scene is getting real old real quick. All my love, xj.

♢♡ janet
Sun, 27 Oct 2019 23:45:02 GMT

I had a very trusted friend go deep within and let me know my 9 yr old little girl needs me to love her. It makes since. Since that was my first realization of crushes and marriage. How did she 'know' she was going to marry him? And why doesn't he like me any more? I had my first crush. Guess now I understand why they call it crushes. Yet, this has haunted me ever since then. Guys preferring anothers over me. Crushed over and over without saying not one word. My heart still feels them all. Remembers how I stood befuddled at the perplexity of it all. Feeling sick to my stomach of "not being loved by another". That sentence runs deep. Guess this Rites of Passage program and my isolation right now are paramount to healing my 9 year old wound. My last relationship cut my heart wide open, to actually feel like it was bleeding. "I get it now, nobody loves you." I instantly wanted to wail. The pain I've endure up to this point was/is unbearable. Truth. But dignity held my head up and replied, "To each their own." It's been well over two years and the pain is still there, but now realizing (knowing) it's me who needs to love it. Love my heart. Love who I am. Even in this world. Even if I am alone.

janet bradley
Tue, 29 Oct 2019 10:16:47 GMT

This is interesting timing as this new moon in Scorpio has many feeling deeply on many levels. I felt dragged through the mud on Saturday, but Sunday’s initiation bore a hole in the top of my head as light was pouring in. Tiara said it would be gentle, but not for me! And perfect timing for Diwali! Bring on the light!

♢♡ janet
Tue, 29 Oct 2019 15:23:58 GMT

I hear ya girl. May we all be blessed during this collective