I had a very trusted friend go deep within and let me know my 9 yr old little girl needs me to love her. It makes since. Since that was my first realization of crushes and marriage. How did she 'know' she was going to marry him? And why doesn't he like me any more? I had my first crush. Guess now I understand why they call it crushes. Yet, this has haunted me ever since then. Guys preferring anothers over me. Crushed over and over without saying not one word. My heart still feels them all. Remembers how I stood befuddled at the perplexity of it all. Feeling sick to my stomach of "not being loved by another". That sentence runs deep. Guess this Rites of Passage program and my isolation right now are paramount to healing my 9 year old wound. My last relationship cut my heart wide open, to actually feel like it was bleeding. "I get it now, nobody loves you." I instantly wanted to wail. The pain I've endure up to this point was/is unbearable. Truth. But dignity held my head up and replied, "To each their own." It's been well over two years and the pain is still there, but now realizing (knowing) it's me who needs to love it. Love my heart. Love who I am. Even in this world. Even if I am alone.
This is interesting timing as this new moon in Scorpio has many feeling deeply on many levels. I felt dragged through the mud on Saturday, but Sunday’s initiation bore a hole in the top of my head as light was pouring in. Tiara said it would be gentle, but not for me! And perfect timing for Diwali! Bring on the light!
I hear ya girl. May we all be blessed during this collective